Top Ten Stupid Things That I Get Too Upset About
I’m generally not easily annoyed. Unless I had a sleepless night the previous evening, in which case all bets are off. But some things that shouldn’t bother me too much annoy the piss out of me, and I really can’t explain it. I originally got this idea from a guy that I follow on twitter, who got overly upset about a broken burrito shell. I instantly knew where he was coming from, so I decided to make my own list of stupid shit that makes me mad.
10 – Internet Trolls
It’s common knowledge that many people in the world have no life whatsoever. Some people try to fill this void by going on internet message boards, and harrassing other people who are there for valid reasons. People who have been on multiple message boards, such as myself, know not to feed the trolls. What it means when I say “feed the trolls” is to engage in an argument with someone who has no other intention but to annoy you. It’s the most childish of behaviors from an adult with the maturity level of a child. Unfortunately, I’m the kind of person who enjoys pointing out the stupidity of other people, so I’ve been known to engage when approached. The bad part is that you cannot beat a troll, because even when you outsmart them at their own game, they fail to realize that they’re outmatched. You are still left banging your head against the wall, because the troll is just that clueless. The troll always wins, because he got someone to pay attention to him, and I should know better…
9 – Men Who Wear Sandals 90% of the Time
I don’t know when the “I really care about how I look, but I’ll dress like I don’t care” look got big, but it’s aggrivating to us men out there who truly do not care. It started with the not shaving daily, and I was totally on board for that one. I hate shaving, so if I can go a day or two without doing it, I’m happy. Then it was the “bed head” look. I’m bald, so I couldn’t go along with it anyway, but I was on the fence about it. It didn’t bother me really, but I didn’t think it was an improved image. Now it’s sandals with everything, and it’s annoying to me. Just look at the picture. Sure it’s a model, but so many guys out there are doing it. Sorry, but I don’t want to see some dude’s bare feet. I understand that some people like feet, but I don’t think it goes for both genders. I know a couple men who like female feet, but I know zero ladies who like male feet. It’s hurting nobody and I find it annoying is the point that I’m failing to make here really. It’s stupid, I get overly upset about it, and it’s time to move on.
8 – Planking
If I were ranking this on stupidity alone, I’d be pressed to find one that ranks higher. I’ve seen it firsthand, and I didn’t even chuckle. Quite possibly the dumbest trend ever, and even celebrities take part. Everytime I see a picture like this, a little part of me gets mad, and I have no idea why. I think that the reason planking has gotten so popular is because it’s the only way that a stupid person can intentionally be funny, in their own mind at least. It shouldn’t bother me, because again, it hurts nobody. There is that part of me that hopes one of them is dumb enough to plank in traffic.
7 – People Who Refer to Eddie as “The Chinese Guy”
This one really shouldn’t bother me, because that’s exactly what he is. Eddie is in fact Chinese. Yet everytime someone says “Where’s that Chinese guy?” I get irritated for some reason. I actualy know the reason, and it’s because they don’t know he’s Chinese, they’re just too ignorant to say “asian”. I’m not fully onboard with the whole political correctness thing either. If you’re black, I’m going to say “black”. Fuck “African American” because that’s too many letters when “black” is much shorter, simpler, and it refers to a broader group of people while offending nobody. But people who call all Asians “Chinese” are the same people who think that Mexicans speak Mexican, and that is really aggrivating to me.
6 – Bad Television
That’s a picture of the cast of the TV show “Pit Boss”. It’s a show about little people who run a pitbull rescue shelter. Why do I know this? Because I had to sit through an episode of it at work, because I work with someone who has the second worst taste in television ever. Second only to Brian’s girlfriend, who’s bad TV taste is off of my imaginary chart. I really can’t explain why this bothers me so much either. I work in a large enough setting where I can just walk away and do something else. But everytime Pete picks up that remote control I just get the feeling that he’s fucking with me. I think to myself “There’s no way that he actually enjoys this garbage”. Stupid television appeals to stupid people, aka the vast majority, and I really shouldn’t be mad at this stage in my life.
5 – White Guys Who Think They’re Gangsters
I know that there’s a simpler description of these tools, but I’m not saying it because that’s just an excuse to drop an N-bomb, or close to it. Yes, these people are pathetic, I know. They’re phony, obnoxious, and have no meaning to their existence. But they’ve never done anything to me. Sure they walk around like they’re tough, but people like the morons in the above picture are the last ones that are going to mess with you. Lump that in with the likely occurance of one of these dumbasses saying the wrong thing around the wrong person, thus getting their asses handed to them, should satisfy me. It doesn’t though, because I want to be there when one of these guys says “nigga” in front of a black dude, and gets beaten down visciously.
4 – Vegans
I hate vegans, I really do. I find them to be some of the most self righteous, holier than thou pieces of shit on the planet. It never stops at not eating meat and animal byproducts, which I think is stupid to begin with. It always goes on to political blabbering, and all of these moronic rallies that never accomplish anything other than inconveniencing the surrounding businesses, parties, or anyone else in their vicinity. But still, these fucking hippies hurt nobody. They annoy the piss out of me though, because they think they’re better than people who eat meat. You know why I eat meat? Because I’m a fucking animal, and I’m sure that according to the laws of nature, I’m above some creatures, and below others on the food chain. Why the hell do lions, tigers, and bears (oh my! Jesus that was corny…. go fuck yourself. You try doing this daily.) get to eat meat, and I don’t?! I’m a superior species god damnit! Seriously vegans, get over yourselves. Here’s a challenge, follow comedian @jamiekilstein on twitter. If he doesn’t annoy you even a little bit, then you probably fall into this category.
3 – Drive-thru Amnesia
This is a common one, and it seems like nobody just gets a little miffed about it. No, we go into a full-on state of rage, because someone who makes minimum wage forgot our barbecue sauce for our nuggets. Sure, there’s ketchup at home, which works just fine, but I specifically asked for barbecue sauce. This shit drives me up the wall, and it really shouldn’t, because it isn’t that important. If your day is ruined because someone forgot to put your sauce in the bag, then you have a much larger problem. This almost always happens at Wendy’s when I order chili and don’t get the spicy seasoning packet, bastards!
2 – People Who Slow to Almost a Complete Stop Before Turning
This one pisses me off just thinking about it because it happens so often. When I’m on a major street doing 50, and someone slows down to almost a complete stop to make a righthand turn into a shopping plaza I always lose my shit. So does Liz, by the way. This day and age, cars have great suspensions, and their tires have superb traction. There’s no reason to make the turn at 2 miles per hour, making an entire lane of traffic slow to a crawl. I think it’s ok to get pissed about it, but I get mad for the wrong reason. I’m not angry because I’m afraid of rear-ending someone. No, I’m mad because the 90 year old lady in front of me just delayed me from getting home and laying on the couch, like that’s so important. If I had pressing matters, sure, I have a right to get mad. But I do as little as possible at home, so who the fuck am I to get pissed?
1 – My Job
My job isn’t great, but it’s not as if I have a job like the one in the picture either. Sure, I deal with a lot of scumbags, and work with some complete morons at my job. But hey, I get a paycheck every week and I have health insurance. Not everyone can say that these days. Do I look at things that way when I’m on the man-rag though? Of course not! Every time I deal with some pointless shit at work I piss and moan to whoever will listen. I’ve even gone on twitter to bitch about it, which is ridiculous. I really feel sorry for my wife, since she listens to my sob stories multiple times a week. It’s not like I work my fingers to the bone either. I’m writing this up on my phone from work right now! I haven’t been unemployed for more than a month since I was 15. I’m one of the lucky ones! Maybe one of these days I’ll stop the pity parade and see it that way. Not today though, because I procrastinate too!