Why Keep Up?
This past Saturday, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries got married. I really couldn’t care less that it happened, but the way it happened, and the whole Kardashian saga is nothing short of sickening to me. Why do so many people care so much about a manufactured celebrity? Why are her disgusting sisters famous as well? Why? Just why? I really don’t know the answers to these questions, and writing about it isn’t helping anyone either. So why am I doing this? I don’t know man, I don’t know.
I didn’t even know this until a month or two ago, but the Kim Kardashian thing all started with a sex tape. Apparently she was dating this guy named Ray-J who is some sort of R&B singer, and is Brandy’s brother, of “Moesha” fame. Many people think that the sex tape was a publicity stunt. Why wouldn’t they do it on purpose? It worked for that skank Paris Hilton, why not this newer, albeit older skank with the huge ass?
So, the sex tape comes out. Who watches sex tapes? Men do, right? So, some men jerked off to a tape that has Bruce Jenner’s stepdaughter with the big ass. I’m not saying that I don’t understand the reason why someone would watch it. I’m not that naive, nor am I that innocent. I’m just not seeing the link between being in a moderately well known family, to being known worldwide because you let some scrawny R-Kelly wannabe rub his smelly cock on your hiney. Yes, they were moderately well known. Bruce Jenner won the 1976 decathlon at the Montreal Summer Games, people have moved on. Somehow fucking on tape has garnered this slut millions of dollars, multiple television shows, and unworldly popularity. I just checked, and Kim has 9.2 million followers on Twitter. That’s downright disgusting.
The truly amazing thing to me is the transition of audience though. She went from men who imagined themselves inside of her, to women imagining being her. Usually if you “leak” a sex tape, women aren’t fans of yours, or so I would think. Women tend to be very judgmental of other women who do slutty things. But Kim made the transition smoothly. She’s had multiple television shows on E!, which might as well be called “The Celebrity Gossip Channel”. I’m not being sexist, but it’s mostly miserable women who are into that kind of thing. I’m not saying that the women themselves are miserable either. I’m saying the fact that people like that exist in droves makes me miserable. I still shouldn’t be bothered as much as I am, but I couldn’t help but get a tad irritated by the lawsuit that she had the nerve to file.
That’s an Old Navy commercial that Kim is suing over for 20 million dollars, because they used a woman who resembles her in it. Apparently it’s illegal to be on television if you look like Kim Kardashian. It’s not the first time that someone famous has sued a company for using their likeness either. Jacqueline Kennedy Onnasis, Vanna White, and Bette Midler have sued before as well. But who the hell does Kim think she is? 20 million dollars because someone looks like you? There was no slander of any kind in the commercial either. Kim claims that Old Navy is “stealing precious intellectual property” of hers. All she’s really doing is trying to suck every dollar out of her brief stardom, to tide her over until Kris beats her, cheats on her, or develops a drug problem, and they get divorced. Then it’s time for a tell-all book about her difficult life, in which she’ll be portrayed as a heroine, making millions of dollars in sales and interviews.
Then of course there’s the butt x-rays. Kim was so bothered by rumors being spread around the internet saying she had ass implants, that she had it x-rayed and went on television to prove her posterior is all natural. Apparently she values her physical properties as much as her intellectual ones. I happen to agree with her butt pride, because to me she’s just an ass with a nice head of hair, and an annoying voice.
The wedding, which took place Saturday, is projected to garner Kim 15 million dollars in profit. It has a 15 thousand dollar cake, 2 million dollars worth of flowers, plus People Magazine is paying 2.5 million dollars for exclusive rights to the photos. Oh yeah, Ryan Seacrest is producing the tv event as well. Ryan Seacrest… that’s a guy worthy of his own article, something I’ll have to look into one of these days.
Then there’s Khloe Kardashian, pictured above, who is also famous for no reason at all. Fame by association is almost as obnoxious as Kim’s path to stardom. Khloe married basketball star Lamar Odom. I can only guess that she married him because the NBA is the only place that she could find a rich man who was tall enough to look her in the eyes. As for why Lamar married Khloe, that’s up in the air, no idea. I suppose he’s into beastiality. There’s a third Kardashian sister named Kourtney who hasn’t done anything noteworthy as far as I know, but that’s only a matter of time.
Together, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney form a KKK that scares me more than the original. Common sense tells me that their fame won’t last much longer, but who knows? Maybe they’ll take over Hollywood, followed by the country, and eventually the world. I was worried that Sarah Palin was a national threat, and now my fear is of the Kardashians. Until future President Robert Kardashian Jr outlaws making fun of rich whores, my Kardashian hating will remain public.