An Interview With Randy

This is my friend Randy. He says a lot of funny things, and is absolutely shameless. I thought that it would be a funny idea to post interviews that are filled with absurd and random questions.There’s enough Oprah’s out there who ask questions regarding someone in a serious manner. This segment may or may not be recurring, and it may or may not be Randy multiple times, or new people. If anyone out there wants to be interviewed, I’ll do it. You can come down to the tar factory, or whatever. I have the tape recorder app in my pocket at all times. So by all means, I’d love to interview you. Just give me notice so I can gather questions.

RageLaugh: What’s your favorite smell?
Randy: Something rotten.

RL: Then what’s your least favorite smell?
Randy: Something good.

RL: So if I farted, you would like it?
Randy: Yes.

RL: And roses….
Randy: I hate them. They make me sneeze.

RL: If you had a gun, with only one bullet, who would you shoot?
Randy: Obama.

RL: Why him?
Randy: Because he’s an idiot, and if he was gone, people would be happy that there’s not an idiot in office anymore.

RL: Well, what if you were president?
Randy: I hope that someone would do the same to me.

RL: What new law would you install before you were shot?
Randy: I’d get rid of all of the dumb taxes we have.

RL: What would you do if you were locked in a cage?
Randy: I’d strip naked, then take a nap. They’d have to let me out then.

RL: How many fingers?
Randy: 5

RL: Why so many?
Randy: It would feel better.

RL: Brazilian, landing strip, or big bush?
Randy: Big bush. I like leaves.

RL: What’s the meaning of life?
Randy: To laugh, and just not give a shit.

RL: If you were a superhero, what power would you want?
Randy: To see through walls.

RL: Would you rather be blind, or a midget?
Randy: Midget. I’d hide under tables, and deliver nut shots constantly.

RL: Black, or crippled?
Randy: Crippled. I don’t like fried chicken.

RL: Describe yourself in 5 words.
Randy: Fat, glasses, balding, weird, creepy.

RL: So you’re me, but with glasses?
Randy: Yep!

RL: If you were stranded on an island, what 3 things would you want?
Randy: Food, water, and a toy to play with.

RL: Who are you drafting in the first round?
Randy: Mendenhall.

RL: Second round?
Randy: Steven Jackson.

RL: How many siblings do you have?
Randy: 4 brothers and 2 sisters.

RL: Who’s your favorite?
Randy: Phillip. He’s 35, and takes care of us.

RL: Your least favorite?
Randy: Daniel (18)…. douchebag.

RL: If you could buy any country, which would it be?
Randy: The Bahamas. I like the water.

RL: Favorite food?
Randy: Chinese, doesn’t matter what kind.

RL: What came first, the chicken, or the egg?
Randy: Chicken.

RL: How many dicks have you seen.
Randy: About a thousand.

RL: (laughing) No, in person.
Randy: Yeah, about a thousand.

RL: How many have you touched?
Randy: Zero.

RL: What does this picture do for you?

Randy: I just want to jump in the tub and play with him!

There it is, hard hitting stuff. Move over, Barbara Walters! Anyway, by the time this is posted, I’ll either be drunk, loving my draft picks, or drowning my sorrows of a failed draft. Either way, I’ll be having more fun than most of you. Be sure to check in tomorrow to see our 9th annual draft results, and who I think the winners and losers are.

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About malf922

33 year old married guy. I write about whatever is bouncing around this head of mine at any given moment.

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