Your Self-Inflicted Problems Aren’t My Problem
I bartend. It’s not a proud profession, and that’s the way I treat it. I hate it, and I see it as a way to pay the bills until I figure out how to write, or do something else that uses my brain to make money. Often times, I have people who tell me their problems. Sometimes I see people with problems who don’t even have to talk to me. I have nothing against people dealing with issues either. As a matter of fact, if you tell me that you have no problems in your life, then I’ll go ahead and assume that you’re lying.
The one that bothers me is people who feel sorry for themselves for problems that are self-inflicted. Now, I’m no saint. I’ve caused issues for myself more than once, but you’ll never see me crying the blues, wanting people to feel sorry for me. When I understood that I had something to deal with, like drugs or my marriage, I took it upon myself to fix it. I’m no better than most people, I’m just an adult. That’s how adults deal with things, by fixing it themselves.
I know a woman who I don’t exactly consider a friend of mine. I have no real problem with her, but she’s not someone that I would hang out with. She’s been in an abusive relationship for a long time, and it ended a few weeks ago, or so she says. Anyway, she came to the bar, and drowned her sorrows in her beer. I couldn’t get her to shut up. Anyway, I noticed that she had bruises on her arms as she was talking to me. Let me clarify something right now; domestic violence makes me sick. If you hit your wife or girlfriend, you are scum of the earth. If I see you doing it, you’re going to have to deal with me, and if I can’t handle it, you’ll be dealing with the cops. Anyway, after I noticed that she had bruises, and that she was still hanging around her abusive ex, all I could say was “Stay away from him. You’re better off single.”
The next day, I learned that after she left the bar, she went to her ex’s place and kicked his door until he came out and fought with her. Whether or not it got violent I don’t know. But why? Why would you do that? Battered women seem to believe that their abusive partners love them, and that there is good inside of them. No, there isn’t! If he loves you, then why hit you? I love my wife, and no matter what she did to me, I would never do that. I would leave, but never in a million years would I strike her. Getting beaten by your partner isn’t self-inflicted, but going back for more is. I am very upset when a woman gets hit, but I have a hard time being sympathetic when you go back for more.
Another self-inflicted problem that I see a lot, and even have personal experience with is substance abuse. (read my article “Insomnia” for my personal story) Now, since I had an issue with drugs, I do have a small amount of sympathy for people struggling with drugs and/or alcohol. My sympathy only goes so far though. If you fall into the nasty trap that is substance abuse, I sympathize. If you quit drinking or doing drugs for an extended period of time, only to fall back into the trap again, I lose faith and compassion for you. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I know a guy who is an older fella and smokes. He has quit for over a year a couple times though. Anyway, the last time he quit was for health reasons. He found out that he had C.O.P.D. and that his breathing capacity was 20%. He got on a bunch of medications and inhalers, and quit smoking. A few months back he started smoking again. He started doing it in front of people not long ago, but he was sneaking around doing it long before. People aren’t nearly as clever as they think they are.
Anyway, now he has a horrible cough that sounds like he’s gonna die soon, and he often falls asleep on his barstool, due to the fact that he’s so heavily medicated. He probably will die soon too, but should I feel bad? I don’t, as callous as that may sound. If someone who knows what they’re talking about, like a doctor, tells you that if you smoke that death is imminent, and you do so anyway, that’s on you. You will get no pity nor sympathy from me due to your stupidity and weakness. You walked away from a problem, only to walk right back into it, and for what? Smoking does nothing for you. It tastes like shit, and although it may calm your nerves slightly, so does masturbating. Go into the restroom and jerk off, I won’t judge you. Do something like smoking, drinking, drugs, or returning to an abusive environment, and judge away I will.
When I was popping pills, one of my friends told me “I’ll say nice things at your funeral.” and I didn’t get mad. How could I? My problems were on me, and I understood that. But seeing someone cry the blues because they get beat up, yet they keep returning to the crime scene. Or smoking, yet crying that you can’t get disability, and you’re going to need an oxygen tank. Or my favorite, getting so drunk that you fall asleep at the wheel in your company car, and drive into a neighbor’s house, getting sued for millions and losing your job, only to continue driving drunk. All of you make me sick. You’re all older and supposedly wiser than people like me, yet you are stupid beyond belief. As harsh as it may sound, I will feel nothing when your inevitable fate is upon you, and I only sympathize for those being hurt by your actions, who never asked for any of it.