Are you a slut? Answer these questions to find out!

If you dress like this, don't bother. You're a slut.

It seems like women are always calling each other sluts, whores, skanks, and all kinds of other imaginative terms referring to their promiscuity. While I do have my own opinion about some people I know, I’m not going to call anyone out publicly, because that’s not my style. If you’re a slut, you probably already know it. If you think you might be a slut, you’re a slut. As a matter of fact, if you clicked the link to read this, and are a woman not related to me, you’re a slut. Laughing aside, I’ve compiled a list of questions that will help you figure out whether or not you’re a slut from the privacy of your own home, or the home of the guy you’re sleeping with tonight. What’s his name? Check his wallet. If you actually checked his wallet, you’re a mega slut. Ok, here’s some questions…

Are most of your friends men, because other women are bitches?

If the answer is yes, you’re probably a slut. Women aren’t bitches to you because that’s the way they are. They’re bitches to you because they know if you were left alone with their man, that you’d be flirting with him or worse within a short period of time. I think men and women are allowed to be friends, but unless you’re gay, there’s always an underlying agenda for someone who hangs around the opposite sex often. Every girl that I’ve ever met who hangs around a bunch of guys has turned out to be a complete whore. If you’re arguing in your head that you hang around a lot of men but aren’t a slut, save your breath and don’t bother arguing. Because if you say that you hang around a bunch of guys and aren’t slutty, that just means that the guys you hang around aren’t willing to have sex with you. You’d still jump on them in a heartbeat.

Is your best friend a guy who you know wants you, but you “just want to be friends”?

This one is a continuation of the last category. If you have a male best friend, then he’s either gay or wants to sleep with you. You keep him around not because he’s a great listener, or he makes you laugh. No, you keep him around because you get off on having someone desire you, you dirty skank. I’ve actually dated a couple women in my younger years who had male best friends. It was the same scenario both times. The guy totally hated me the second I was in the picture, and told the girl that I was bad news. Both times the guy put a move on the girl, only to be shot down. As pathetic as these men are, their ploy is actually effective sometimes. I mean, there would never be a relationship for him. No, women who have friends like this can sense the desperation, and could never be in a relationship with such a man. But, there is the chance that the woman is mad at another man, and will sleep with her “best friend” to get back at him. If your goal is just to get laid, then well played sir. If you want more, avoid the friend zone at all costs. Women keep male best friends only to pad their ego, because they get off on the fact that their buddy is desperate for them… whores.

Have you “experimented” with the opposite sex in public?

Have you ever been drunk at a party, and ended up making out with another chick in public? If you have, then not only are you a slut, you’re a sad, sad person. As open as I am to people being homosexual, I don’t buy the whole “experimenting” argument. If you’re attracted to something, you know it immediately. That’s why it’s called an attraction, and not a joy. People don’t say “I enjoy women”, they say “I’m attracted to women.” If you make out with chicks in public, it’s for one reason alone, to put on a show for men. You want men to think you’re sexy, so you make out with a chick because men think that’s hot. Personally, it doesn’t do much for me, but I think that I’m in the minority. Slutty women love attention, and making out with another chick certainly achieves that goal in one of the most pathetic of ways. Another way is flashing your tits, or anything else that shouldn’t be exposed in public, so go ahead and throw that one in there too.

Do you update your profile pic often?

This one is just silly. These women who change their profile pics in Facebook seemingly on a weekly basis just want people to look at them. If we’re friends with you on Facebook, then we already know what you look like. Sure, if someone snaps a good picture of you with friends of whatever, throw it up there. But women post these pictures of themselves that they took! The whole upward angle looking down shot, the mirror picture where they’re holding the camera, or my personal favorite, the “I had no idea I was exposing that much cleavage” picture. Listen, just admit it; you keep updating your picture because you want guys to look at it and feed you compliments. Whoever kisses your ass the most is the guy that you’ll end up sleeping with eventually.

How many men have you cheated on?

If you’re even counting right now, you’re a slut. This one is pretty straightforward. You sleep around a lot, and aren’t trustworthy. You’re pretty much the definition of a slut. I know a girl who is in a relationship, and had another guy feeling up on her thigh and ass in front of me and my friends. When the guy went to the restroom, I called her out on it, saying “What the hell are you doing?” She responds, “I know, he won’t stop touching me!” like she was innocent in the whole ordeal. If you don’t even have the guts to tell a man who is touching you to stop, well I guess you already know what you are.

Are there provocative pictures of you that aren’t in your possession?

Women don’t just allow someone to have naked photos of them, sluts do. If you have a sex tape or something of you and your husband, that’s one thing. You’re into some freaky shit, but that’s between you and your partner. If there’s a bunch of pictures of you that your exes have, then you’re probably a slut. This one isn’t really a definitive answer, but it raises the possibility. Some women are very gullible, so they may have been talked into it. Others just don’t give a shit, so they let anyone do it, because they’re sluts.

Do you keep a toothbrush in your car?

This one is, well, think about it. Not one of my defining criteria, but a friend mentioned it the other day, and I decided that it is an indiciation of sluttery. If you’re homeless, you are exempt. Although I do have to mention that if you’re homeless, but still find a way to visit my site, I’m honored.

Do your frirnds often joke that you’re a slut?

Every time you hook up with a guy, do your friends throw lighthearted insults about your promiscuity at you? If they do, it’s because they want to touch on the topic, but not launch a full-frontal assault. You’re probably a slut, and after you walk away from your friends who were joking with you, they probably talk to each other about how much of a skank you really are.

How many mini-skirts do you own?

Is there anything slutier to wear? Maybe clear high heels, fishnet stockings, and large hoop earrings. But if you have all of the above, you’re not a slut, you’re a prostitute. Seriously though, each skirt you own is a step closer to the world of slutdom.

Does your vagina have a nickname?

Now, if you and your man call it something, that’s ok. You’re allowed to be slutty towards one person, you’re actually encouraged to be. If a group of people call your musty schlong holster something, then that’s not a good sign.

Is your biggest dilemma the inability to find a good man?

Again, not a definitive question here. But I often find these women who are crying the blues that they can’t find someone. Now, there are some women who are great people, and have bad luck with men. I know one or two personally. But I also know a couple who can’t find a man, and cry about it constantly. These women seemingly put out at the drop of a dime, then wonder why men don’t take them seriously. Listen women, sex is a beautiful thing, it really is. I’m sure that whole track team that you slept with is very happy to have met you. But if the guys don’t have to put forth an effort to get with you, how can they appreciate something that anyone could accomplish? Don’t say that there aren’t good men out there, because that’s bullshit. There’s just as many good men out there as there are good women.

Do you have a lower back tattoo?

If you do, you’re either a slut, a former slut, or someone who goes with the flow too often. There’s a reason that it’s called a “tramp stamp” because that’s exactly what it is. That being said, don’t get defensive. The lower back tattoo for women is the upper arm tattoo for men. Some of you just do it to try to be cool. That actually might be worse though, because caring about the image that you put forth to others means that you aren’t being who you really are, you’re being who you think other people will like, which is horrible. But the rest of you are just tramps.

Do you know what night is “ladies night” at the bars?

Men should know this, because it’s the night when all the slutty ladies go out for free drinks. Some single women should know it, because they want to have a good time with their friends. Every slut knows it, because thats when they make their poor decisions.

Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m really just writing this for personal amusement, even though some of the things I said are completely true. Slutty women have their place in the world actually. Sometimes people need someone that means nothing to them to fool around with, to put other things into perspective. If you’re happy being someone’s low point in life, then congratulations, you know your role. Just don’t cry the blues when you want to have something meaningful, but nobody takes you seriously.

That being said, I don’t even hate sluts. I mean, please don’t talk to me, but there are worse things out there, like attention whores. I remember having a party at my house, and a slutty, unattractive attention whore was there because one of my friends wanted to get laid. My friend James was telling this bimbo to her face that she was just a dirty broad, and she was laughing because she’s just that dumb. It was awesome. But yeah, these “me me me” women are worse than sluts, because they always need the spotlight on themselves.

Anyway, this whole thing is just for fun, so take it with a grain of salt. If you get too upset about it, because it hits a little too close to home, please don’t waste my time complaining to me. It’s not my problem that you are the way you are. Enjoy the attention while it lasts, because you won’t be attractive forever.

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About malf922

33 year old married guy. I write about whatever is bouncing around this head of mine at any given moment.

One response to “Are you a slut? Answer these questions to find out!”

  1. mooselicker says :

    Great list. The one about the guy friends made me cringe, we’ve all been there. I’ve dated girls who had the guy drive us around place. My heart goes out to them.

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