Dropping Knowledge Bombs

Is there anything worse than people who think that they know shit? You know, the type of person who walks in and interrupts a conversation to flex their knowledge muscles, only to stray way off topic most of the time anyway, because they have no idea what the conversation is about? I’m going to go ahead and give a few examples just to help you understand what I’m referring to, to see if I’m the only one extremely annoyed by this.

A prime example is the guy who has to be the one to break news. I know someone who is just like this. It really doesn’t matter what the news is about either. These people just love to think that they taught you something. The best way to mess with someone like this is to constantly text them every time big news breaks, just so they never get to be the guy who informs others. It drives them insane.

A great reward that you get from time to time is when this type of person breaks incorrect news. I know a guy who either isn’t a great reader, or just gets overly excited to inform people of something, so he often only reads half of a headline before drawing a conclusion. This man read the end of a scrolling news headline on television, that said something along the lines of “…most recently starring in the movie ‘Men of Honor’ has passed away.” From this he concluded that Robert De Niro died, and informed me of it. Of course I didn’t believe him, because De Niro dying would be a pretty big story. So of course when I found out that he was wrong and it was some guy I’ve never heard of, I teased this person relentlessly, as I should. Adamant that he read correctly, and that the tv was wrong (this happens a lot), he got furious, and was huffing and puffing for the rest of the night. I was the asshole in this situation, because I was having fun pointing out how silly he was for jumping to conclusions, of course.

As most of you already know I watch a ton of MMA. I’ll try to keep this story as easy to understand as possible, for those of you who complain when I write about MMA though… fucking babies.

I was watching the season premier of The Ultimate Fighter with Brian, just minding my own business. This young guy walks up during a commercial for UFC 135, and asks us who we think will win the Jones vs Jackson fight. So we answered, saying “probably Jones” and he replies “Thank you! Jones is going to kick his ass! Rampage isn’t even a fighter, he’s an actor. He way too old and slow.” Ok, I knew immediately that this may be either fun to talk about, or very painful to listen to, but I had to find out. I didn’t think it was ridiculous to say that Jones can beat Rampage down, but calling him an actor, and saying it so confidently is a very dumb thing to do, considering that Quinton Jackson was mauling people in Japan before Jones ever threw his first punch.

Although I could tell immediately that this kid (he’s like 21, which is still a kid to me) was a closet moron, he was obviously trying to give off the impression that he knew his shit. I had to dig deeper to see what nuggets of moronical bliss I could get him to reveal.

It didn’t take long for this young buck to treat me like I was Hiroshima and he was the US dropping a knowledge atomic bomb on me. The devastating blow he delivered was that Cain Velasquez, undefeated UFC heavyweight champion, isn’t that great because he’s too small. I was then informed by this walking Wikipedia page that Velasquez is in fact 5’9″. So, I have this nasty habit of fact-checking ridiculous statements that I hear, because for some reason I like to question the absurd. I was very unsurprised to find out that Cain is in fact 6’1″ and 245 lbs. Not exactly a little fella. It was even funnier to hear this guy talk about how small Velasquez is, because the person calling him “too small” is about 5’9″ and weighs 130 lbs soaking wet.

The thing is, even if you do know what you’re talking about, you shouldn’t walk around spouting off facts, because you’re bound to run into someone who knows more, and would love to make you look stupid. I was the kind of person who thought that he knew everything, and now that I look back I see that I knew very little. 10 years from now I’ll probably look back at present day me and think the same thing. Not knowing everything doesn’t make you stupid, but thinking that you have it all figured out makes you look extremely stupid. There’s no worse feeling than saying the wrong thing, and having someone see a flaw in your brilliant statement, and proceed to pick it apart, making you look dumber and dumber with each remark. Before you drop a knowledge bomb, make sure you know the target that you’re dropping it on.

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About malf922

33 year old married guy. I write about whatever is bouncing around this head of mine at any given moment.

7 responses to “Dropping Knowledge Bombs”

  1. mooselicker says :

    I’ll catch up on reading this blog and the rest of the new ones when I have time. You’re my favorite blogger and I just wanted to let you know to keep up the great work.

    But for now I do want to say that the worst characters on every show is the know it all. Lisa is the worst on the Simpsons. If you watch Modern Family there’s a character who is the smart kid and she never gets plot points. More to come, possibly.

    • malf922 says :

      Wow, thanks for the great compliment, it’s very flattering! Yeah I know the little girl from Modern Family. Her biggest plot line was last week getting kissed by a 13 year old guido, wahoo.

  2. thedailycop says :

    “A prime example is the guy who has to be the one to break news. ”

    Remember there used to be some guys who would call your job after a wrestling PPV, and as soon as you answered the phone, would tell you who won the main event…good times.

  3. Thomas Stillwell says :

    You had me up until you started talking about MMA… you should look at this site I just found out about… it’s called armchaircornerman.com

    That guy knows a lot more about that stuff than you seem to know…

  4. mindwarpfx says :

    In every group there has to be the person that should be renamed the news. Not that the news is good news, or reliable news, just the news! Because they hate it! At least Deana did. Hope you don’t know her? Just make fun of her if you do! Love this one, your post that is. All the best!

  5. Michael Cargill says :

    I used to come out with random facts every so often, most of them utterly pointless and inane. An example would be “one day flying cars will be commonplace” or “A Ferrari won’t get you to work much faster than a Ford”.

    Sports fans who are overly passionate about their team can bore you to death within minutes though.

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