He Who Consumes Pumpkins

I’m a fairly competitive guy. I’m not a sore loser, but like most men I try to win everything that I compete in. The one thing that I don’t do is cheat though. Be it Monopoly, cards, anything really, I play by the rules. It’s not a moral thing either, I just prefer to win and actually feel like I won. I don’t understand the point of cheating, because you know you didn’t really win, so what’s the point?

I have used cheat devices in video games though, but usually not until I’ve already completed the game properly first. For instance, Resident Evil for the PS1 was an amazing game that I played through at least 100 times. After beating it about 20 times, I bought a GameShark and used some cheat codes to unlock certain weapons, so I could just run around blasting shit. That was fun, and I see nothing wrong with it.

Recently, smartphone games have become very popular. As much as an iPhone junkie as I am, and I’m a huge one (I’m actually writing this on my iPhone), I’m not really into mobile gaming. I do think it’s great that you can link up with your friends to play games though, that’s awesome. But some of you cheat your asses off. I actually know a guy who plays Words with Friends, and puts his letters into a word generator to come up with high scoring words. They even have apps that do this for you. What’s the point? Why cheat at such a meaningless game? You don’t win anything, and if you suck at the game, letting a computer make words for you certainly won’t help you get better. It’s really just sad. I feel sorry for people who do that.

In professional sports, I at least understand why someone would cheat, but I still don’t like it. In baseball for instance, cheating has been around forever. Players have been putting corks in their bats for ages, and now they do steroids for a huge boost. They have something to gain from cheating, mainly money, so the concept makes sense. That doesn’t justify it though, because they’re still just cheaters in the end.

I think the most common and blatant form of cheating is manipulating the referees. It’s in virtually every sport too. In baseball you’ll always see the catcher pull a pitch that’s out of the strike zone back into it, which is called “framing”. In basketball, football, and soccer you see players flopping every time they’re touched. Anyone remember Joe Nedney’s epic flop when someone grazed his ass on a field goal? Someone barely brushed his backside, and he did a full 360 and fell to the ground.

Even that horrible flop doesn’t compare to soccer though. If you haven’t seen the soccer coach who barely touches a player who falls to the ground like Chuck Liddell just unloaded on him, I strongly urge you to watch this video, it’s epic:

Seriously, if you do any of the things I’ve mentioned, take a moment to reflect. I don’t care about the morality of it at all. It’s just the pointlessness of it. Why do it? Why would you want to cheat at a game that you play with your friends for fun? It’s just sad, pathetic even. Even if I wanted to play one of those games on my phone, I wouldn’t, because I can’t trust most of you. If you do anything I mentioned in this post, you’re just a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.


About malf922

33 year old married guy. I write about whatever is bouncing around this head of mine at any given moment.

2 responses to “He Who Consumes Pumpkins”

  1. Goblin Kitchen says :

    Cheating seems to start early on and is propagated through high school as an acceptable practice which follows straight into adulthood. I swear half the people I play words with friends with are blatant cheaters. I don’t see the fun in that….

    • malf922 says :

      That’s funny, because Words with Friends is what made me think of writing this. I don’t play it, but I have friends who do. I saw one of them writing letters onto a piece of paper, then inputting them into a word generator. That’s just sad.

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