I’m not nearly as enthused to write anything regarding, or making fun of religion as I used to be. I’m still not a man of faith, but to me the notion of telling people who believe in God that they’re stupid is very condescending and pointless. While I may not be into religious ideals, I prefer to handle it in a more mature “Keep what you believe to yourself, and I’ll keep my opinions about it to myself.” approach.

I’d be lying if I said that I still don’t cringe when people get ridiculous with their faith though. There’s people out there who are my age or younger, that walk around speaking as if we’re still in biblical times. I saw a 30 year old person tell someone else to “be blessed” as if that’s normal talk. Even when I was young and naive, if someone told me to be blessed, there would be an awkward pause, followed by me mumbling “Oh, uh, okey-dokey…” People don’t talk like that! I’ve known priests and pastors through the years, and they don’t talk like that! I think it’s great that finding religion helped you get off crack and all, but tone it down!

I know that I’ve said this before, but you can overdose on anything. I’ve had friends in the past who were overzealous when it came to faith, and now I know of someone else who is getting a tad ridiculous with it. Going to church 5 days a week, listening to Christian music, and reading the Bible over and over again is not healthy. In the same token, neither is wasting your time telling every religious person why there isn’t a god. Both sides need to give it a rest already! And please Jehovah’s Witnesses, if I tell you “No thanks, I’m not into that.” once, please don’t come back. I will get rude if I have to, although I’d rather not. Funny though, imagine how a guy like me would be treated going door to door, telling people that when they die nothing happens. I’d probably get shot on the first day. Ah, you gotta love the fairness of the world and society!

I remember about 10 years ago, one of my friends began dating a bible thumper. Of course, it was only a matter of time before he became a Jesus freak. He would constantly be going to church, and would try to tell us why it’s so important to have faith. Sorry, but when you’re a 23 year old man, the only important things are who’s turn it is to buy the beer, and how to get rid of this constant erection, preferably with a woman in the room. One day we all got drunk at a friend’s house, and while my Born Again Christian friend was outside smoking with another good friend of mine, he turned to him and said “Hey, do you wanna pray?” Wow, that’s creepy. And since I can think of a comedy clip for anything… (if the video doesn’t work I’ll try to fix it when I get home.)

The point of all of this isn’t to sway you one way or the other, it’s to tell you that moderation is the key to everything. And please, use your brain. The fact that there’s idiots out there who buy into faith healing, and televangelists who speak in tongues… It makes me sick. Those are just people who know that others are weak minded and gullible, and take advantage of it. I remember watching one of my heroes, Bill Maher’s documentary Religulous (which is awesome, by the way) that there’s a man in the Miami area who has people convinced that he is the second coming of Christ. People believe that shit!

The bottom line is that if you’re an atheist, I’ll be your friend. If you’re a Christian, I’ll be your friend. If you’re overly vocal and enthusiastic about either, stay away from me. I’m glad that Jesus made you stop smoking crystal meth, but shut the hell up! And I’m glad you have it all figured out, but I heard you the first 20 times. There’s no god, I get it! Believe whatever it is that makes you sleep better, and shut the fuck up.


About malf922

33 year old married guy. I write about whatever is bouncing around this head of mine at any given moment.

3 responses to “Blasphemy!”

  1. Annie (Camille) says :

    Just a tip..if you see a JW on your porch before you answer the door, answer it in your birthday suit..they usually don’t come back….

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