I’ll never swear again, I swear.

I have a fascination with words. I don’t know what it is about them, but I love them. There are so many words in the English language, and you may think that you have a wide vocabulary, and then you hear a new word that you’re unfamiliar with. Just think about it, you speak a language for an entire lifetime, yet in that span of time, you still do not know every word in the language that you speak every day. That’s amazing to me.

One of my fascinations in the English language is swear words. I love them, because I’m confused by them. I’m confused because some people are offended by these words. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some words that I completely understand what is offensive about them. For instance, I know why “nigger” is an offensive word, and I don’t use it, nor do I like it. But other words that you hear every day upset some people for no valid reason at all, and for that reason, or lack of one, I enjoy using them that much more.

The most fascinating word that I can think of is “cunt.” People hate this word with a passion. I’ve seen grown men cringe when they hear this word, which is funny, since it’s just a supposedly dirty way of saying “vagina.” The same guy who cringes at “cunt” will go on to call his friend a “pussy,” which I find hilarious. Cunt bad, pussy good, definition same, got it.

Although my fascination with words goes back to childhood, my inspiration for writing about it hit me today. My friend was talking to a female friend of ours about a tv show. He called one of the characters on the show a cunt, and she got offended by it. Yes, he called someone who doesn’t even exist a word that refers to a part of a female anatomy, and another person who isn’t even involved in the scenario was bothered by it. And it’s not like he ran up to some stranger spouting filth, this is someone he’s been friends with for over a decade. If anyone has a rational spin on this, please share.

What’s really baffling to me is how these “dirty” words are perceived as filth, because if you were to clean up a dirty rant, and add a bit of detail, it seems even dirtier. Let’s try a couple of examples. I’ll say something that people may find disgusting, followed by a swear-free version of it:

So I’m talking to this cunt on the phone, and she’s just being a total bitch. I finally got sick of her shit, and told her to suck a dick, and hung up on her.

So I’m talking to this dirty vagina on the phone, and she’s acting like a female dog the entire time. I finally got sick of her feces-like attitude, and told her to place her mouth around a man’s penis, and then hung up the phone.

Does the clean version take any of the sting away at all? I don’t think so. As a matter of fact, due to the lack of vulgar words, you almost feel the need to be more descriptive with your language, thus making it even dirtier, even though you aren’t using any words that the pansies of America can’t handle.

George Carlin, one of my absolute heroes, and one of the most inspirational people I’ve ever seen, said it best, so I’ll let him take it from here.

Now that I think about it, I actually prefer the vulgar-free version better. That’s it! From now on, I swear to never swear again! Check that, no I don’t. The rest of you just need to grow the fuck up.


About malf922

33 year old married guy. I write about whatever is bouncing around this head of mine at any given moment.

4 responses to “I’ll never swear again, I swear.”

  1. Tom says :

    Fuck that fucking shit!

  2. mooselicker says :

    Who was the television character? I’m guessing Wednesday Addams or one of the Golden Girls. Really any of them could fit.

  3. mooselicker says :

    My bad, I thought the conversation happened when you were a kid.

    I guess in a way we’re all God’s children. Nudge Nudge lets have a laugh about it

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