The Baby Chronicles: Genesis
I have a friend who is a huge fan of horror movies, especially the ones about the zombie apocalypse. I love a good zombie flick too, and since I love writing, you’d think that I would try my hand at writing a zombie story of some kind. I found over the years that writing nonfiction is more enjoyable for me, and I’m not great at making up stories. For that reason, I’m going to keep a journal of my wife’s pregnancy, from my point of view. We just found out on Saturday night that she’s pregnant.
After a long, boring night of work, I came home to watch UFC 137 with a few friends of mine, and my wife, of course. Before anyone else had shown up, my wife greeted me with a hug and kiss, as usual. She seemed especially happy to see me, and I had no idea why. I received text messages from her a few hours earlier, saying that she wanted me to come home already, and that she missed me. Something was up, and I was about to find out what it was. After greeting me, my wife said “Well, are you ready?” The question was vague, so I asked what she meant, and that’s when the bomb was dropped. “I’m pregnant!” I was overjoyed, and I still am. After the adrenaline rush calmed down, and I fought off my tears of joy, reality sunk in. “Holy shit, life is about to get crazy!”
Then, my first duty as an expecting father kicked in. It is now my job to clean the cat’s litter box. You see, kitty litter is dangerous for pregnant women, so they can’t touch it. On top of that, I don’t even like cats! I’m not going to bother the cat, and sometimes I’ll even pet the damn thing. But, that cat came with the package, when I started living with my wife 9 years ago, and the agreement was that she cleans the litter box. Things change though, and this is a damn good reason for them to change. I’ll admit though, I’m tempted to tie a hotdog to the cat’s tail, so my dog will chase her around the house nonstop. She’s old, and maybe he can help nudge her in the direction of a heart atta… shit, I’m getting evil again. Forget what I just said.
After Brian showed up, I broke the news to him, and he was happy for us. Later that night, I sent a text to my other close friends, who both have newborn babies of their own. My friend James notified me that even though I may think that having a child will wear me down mentally, the physical damage is equally devastating.
We don’t have great eating habits as it is, and now the person who I spend most of my time with is going to have cravings for random things at all hours of the day and night. I’m not the kind of person who passes on food easily, so this will be rough. Instead of 250, my new goal is to stay under 300 pounds. And before you call me a fatty, I’m pushing 6’5″ and 245 pounds currently. I’m not slender, but I’m not obese either, not yet at least.
Then, my final revelation in the first 24 hours kicked in; I will never have time for anything ever again. You see, a month earlier I made a promise to myself to go back to school, and get a damn degree. I figured that since I detest my current employment situation, and never got a college degree, that I would start pursuing it again. I have a couple of college credits, and never had a problem with the classes, and always aced my exams. I just got lazy and stopped going to school, so I had more time to do nothing productive at all. You see, before Liz, I wasn’t the most mature fella. But, when I’m committed to something, I usually follow through. I’m committed to improving my life, and making things better for myself, and especially for my wife. Now that the stakes have been raised, that only increases my motivation to get it done. You see, some of you who know me may think that since I have no contact with my father (I haven’t seen him in over 20 years), that I may be a little wary of something like this. I didn’t have a dad, but I did have the greatest father figure in the world, my grandfather. He’s the best man that I ever knew, and I’m going to do my best to take after him, and handle this in a way that would make him proud. There’s nothing he loved more than his family, and that’s how I’ll be too.
Anyway, the thing that ties this in with zombies is that there is a part of me that is scared to death. I’m going to experience things from here on out that will be absolutely horrifying. This is where I will address them in a way that only I’m capable of. People find zombies to be scary because they’re the walking dead. Everything relating to death is scary to most people. I’m taking a different angle though. There’s a living thing growing inside of my wife, and it’s freaking me the fuck out! I’ll update “The Baby Chronicles” as the horror happens.
To be continued….