The Adventures of @HeyGuysItsTonyOMG

I’ve been on Twitter for a while now, and I joined Facebook a couple of months back as well. Twitter I absolutely love, it’s great. It’s limited to 140 characters, so not many people are able to be too obnoxious. You get news faster than anyone, and many of the comics that are on there tweet some hilarious stuff.

Facebook is alright too. I definitely don’t love it like Twitter, but I was found by a relative from the unknown side of the family, which is awesome, and it’s been a good tool to keep in touch with my friends who I don’t see often enough. It’s also a good way to let my friends know about this blog. It serves it’s purpose well, but it’s not something that I couldn’t live without, like Twitter.

Unfortunately, there’s always the people who can make anything excruciating to read, because you can just feel the attention-whoring seep through your computer screen. With all of the status updates, profile pics, self-centered boring as fuck tweets, etc. For instance, one of the most horrible and obnoxious people I’ve ever seen on a social networking site has repeatedly posted nonsense, such as “sigh,” multiple times, to the point to where all I can do is unfollow, unfriend, and stay away.That sucks too, because I always try to be nice to everyone at first. Once I’ve given up is when I’ve gained the reputation for being a bit harsh.

Another thing that gets to me is the way people treat each other on sites like Facebook. When I joined, I sent out maybe 20 friend requests to the people I know, and all of them accepted. A few more people sent me requests, and I accepted them all. I’ve actually only denied one request, and that’s because the woman is the psychotic ex girlfriend/baby momma of a guy that I don’t even hang out with anymore. Why would I take on baggage that even he stays away from?

Anyway, one person had the nerve to unfriend me on Facebook, and he wasn’t even a friend of mine to begin with. My friend’s cousin was a Facebook friend of mine, and he’s alright. I don’t hang out with him, but I don’t hate him either. Anyway, I’ve interacted with him maybe twice on Facebook, just to leave a comment on his biased sports related posts. All he ever talks about is sports, and he’s usually wrong, but I refrained from bashing. If that’s all you talk about though, you’d figure that the ability to form an intelligent opinion would be a given, but not with this guy. Anyway, this guy unfriended me! I never did or said anything bad about him, and I even offered to buy him a beer next time I saw him. The funny thing is that if he wasn’t the cousin of a close friend of mine, then I wouldn’t give two shits about him at all. Ah well, some people are just like that.

Anyway, some of the people I’ve seen are just awful. Most are great, but a lot are horrible. It’s mostly women, but I can’t exclude men all together, because some of the guys are bad too. Do you people understand how much of an asshole I would be if I pulled the shit that you do? I don’t think that you do, so I created a Facebook/Twitter alter ego, to demonstrate how silly some of you are. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a day in the online life of @HeyGuysItsTonyOMG!

“Going to Publix to get milk guys, just wanted you to know.”

“Grrr, this lady is taking too long to ring people up, and she’s FAT lol.”

“I just watched the Kardashian wedding. Kim is so beautiful. Where’s MY prince charming?”

@HeyGuysItsTonyOMG has changed his profile picture

“Oh no she didn’t! #GreysAnatomy”

“This new guy at work is so hot. If he asks me nicely, I’ll let him finger my butthole.”

“Go figure, he has a girlfriend. Now I have to blackmail him into fingering my ass. Sigh…”

“My dog did the cutest thing today. He pooped! Uploading pics now!”

@HeyGuysItsTonyOMG is at The Bleached Anus

“I can’t believe he’s cheating on her! #GreysAnatomy”

@HeyGuysItsTonyOMG has changed his profile picture

“I just saw someone wearing the cutest shirt. It would look better on me though.”

“God I’m so awesome. I rock.”

“I’m going to the movies tonight. Don’t worry, I’ll still be tweeting while I’m in the movie guys!’

(This part actually happened; this chick was tweeting lines from the movie as she was watching it. I unfollowed out of principle. It was a chick flick, but still. Imagine how annoyed the people in the theater were.)

“I have the worst cramps. I hate being a woman, but I love being beautiful.”

“I’m going to the gym tonight. Let’s hope there’s some hotties there.”

“I feel like you people don’t take me seriously sometimes..”

“How are all of my friends getting married before me? I’m a catch damnit! Grrr!”

@HeyGuysItsTonyOMG has changed his profile picture

“I seriously can’t believe that Kevin Spacey was the killer! Holy shit! You guys have to see that movie!”

“Why is everyone so mad at me?!”

“Why are all of my Twitter followers and Facebook friends in my driveway with baseball bats? I’m gonna see what’s up, brb…”


You would think that this was a huge exaggeration, but it was only slight actually. This ridiculous post is my way of reacting to people like this. There’s a good chance that some people may take offense to this, and all I can say is that I take offense to your obnoxious, self-centered attitude. Not a single one of my blog subscribers are a subject of this post though, so there may be no backlash at all. Either way, I got a kick out of writing this one.  It’s a free country, so just keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll keep doing this, deal?


About malf922

33 year old married guy. I write about whatever is bouncing around this head of mine at any given moment.

7 responses to “The Adventures of @HeyGuysItsTonyOMG”

  1. Erick Bertram (@Rahzel619) says :

    I must know. Who took the picture of you on the shitter?

  2. Erick Bertram (@Rahzel619) says :

    I rather enjoyed this one. I’m glad none of those are aimed at me.

  3. MervinMous says :

    Lol! I have a very strong feeling I know the someone you unfollowed because of the “Khloe K is so wise” tweet as well as the person(s) you may be talking about in this blog. I am guilty of posting stupid, boring, and dumb crap occasionally myself, but I agree, it can be a bit too much sometimes. I didn’t realize twitter became the internal dialogue of all the self centered people we know. I have also unfollowed for the very same reasons.

    • malf922 says :

      I honestly don’t remember any tweets by you that made me roll my eyes. As far as the Khloe K person goes, um, yeah. The timeline speaks for itself. Nothing personal at all, just not my thing. You know me though, if there’s a joke to be made, I’ll make it.

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