Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break My Stride, Nobody’s Gonna Slow Me Down, Oh No, I’ve Got To Keep On Movin’

There a few things that people look forward to less than moving. I think that maybe most people look forward to dying less than moving, but I’m not even sure of that one. I wouldn’t classify myself as extremely lazy, but at the same time, I’m definitely not a busy body either. Let me put it this way; I’m lazy enough to where moving is one of my least favorite things to do, right behind interacting with morons.

We decided to hire movers this time, for a few reasons. The first reason is that we had enough money to hire movers, without having to sell our bodies on the street (again). The second reason is that my wife is pregnant, so she’s basically useless as far as lifting and moving goes. All she can do is pack and direct everyone else, which is a far cry from what she usually does; pack and direct everyone else. Wait a minute…. That bitch! The last reason that we decided to hire movers is because I hate helping other people move, so why would I ask someone to do something that I dread? If I would reluctantly do it for someone else, then I’d be quite the asshole if I asked someone else to do it for me.

The movers were scheduled to show up at 7:30 am. Those of you who know me are aware that I’m not exactly a morning person. As a matter of fact, my bedtime is often around 7:30, so this would not be fun for me. Our alarm was set for 7 o’clock, which gave us just enough time for quick showers, before getting all sweaty and filthy.

The alarm went off, and I went through my daily ritual before getting out of bed. I never want to get out of bed, and end up going through the five stages of grief when it comes time to wake up.

First is denial: “No, it can’t be time to get out of bed yet! Maybe it’s 7 pm, not am.”

The second stage is anger: “Baby, it’s time to wake up.” “Fuck you! I never loved you! If you don’t let me sleep for another hour, I’m getting a divorce!”

The third stage is bargaining: “Ok, let me sleep for a little while longer, and I’ll move extra fast. Ok, I won’t take a shower or brush my teeth, and I’ll wear the same clothes that I wore last night, because they’re right next to me. That gives me fifteen more minutes of sleep.”

The fourth stage is depression: “Why does it even matter if I wake up? Life is shitty anyway. This is all pointless. We’re going to move into a nicer house that we’ll own, but we’re still going to die one day.”

The final stage is acceptance: “I have no choice, I have to wake up. What am I going to do, stay in bed and have the movers carry me in the bed, and just place me in the truck? Wait, that’s brilliant! No it isn’t, I’m a moron. Ok, let’s do this, I guess.”

After my morning ritual, I woke up, took a shower, and got dressed. The movers arrived right on time. We used Two Men and a Truck moving service, and those two men went right to work. Hiring movers may not be super cheap, but I will say that if you use this particular moving company, it’s worth every penny. We’ve used them twice, and both times they were very friendly, and they worked hard and fast. I don’t plan on moving again for a very long time, if ever. But if I do move again, I’ll probably use them again.

Since I’m a man and I drive a pickup truck, I felt inclined to load up my truck with things to move as well. Being a man, I feel like a bum when I have people working around me, while I do nothing. So I loaded up the back of my truck with random things, just so I felt like I was doing something too, and I was miserable. I hate bumper stickers, but if I ever put one on my truck, it’d be the one that says “Yes this is my truck, and no I will not help you move.”

Within three or four hours, our old house was completely empty, and everything was unloaded into our new house, which is only five minutes away, if that. After paying and tipping the movers (they earned it), the unpacking process began. I remember hearing about an old Italian tradition pertaining to newlywed couples. The story is something along the lines of during the first year of marriage, the couple puts a marble in a jar every time they make love. After the first year is over, the couple takes a marble out of the same jar every time they do it, and the jar never empties. I mentioned this because we packed the majority of our house in one night. At the rate we’re moving now, it will take us a month to get unpacked. Oh well, there’s no rush, I guess.

Until yesterday, the legs to our dining room table was missing. I was putting my wife’s new desk together in her office, and after she unwrapped her armoire from the plastic wrap that the movers put around it, I happened to open it. Inside of the armoire, I found our missing table legs. Up until then, our table laid on the dining room floor. It looked like a dining room for Japanese midgets.

Anyway, I’m glad that the move is over. I’ve decided that I’m going to be the handy man around the house. I’m going to take care of our lawn and pool, so that we don’t have to hire services to do it for us, and save some money. I’m also going to try and tackle all repairs around the house myself. Due to these new duties, Home Depot is already one of my favorite stores. That place is amazing! You could build a whole new house all from stuff bought at Home Depot!

Anyway, that was our move in a nutshell. I haven’t written all week because of it, so my apologies. I figured after the third person texted me, asking why I’ve been neglecting my blog, that it was time to post something. Thanks for the support guys!

Here’s our new home, that we plan on raising our kids in:

Take care guys, and thanks again.