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RageLaugh Weekly Awards 12/4/11 – 12/10/11 (Late as hell, sorry)

I literally am having trouble typing on my phone, because I have a cut on the tip of my thumb. I have to keep this short, sorry. It’s been a great week, aside from my obvious laziness. Sorry gang, I’ll work on that.

Here are the winners:

Tweet of the Week

@ConanOBrien said: “For the second time in under a week an iPhone has exploded. Now I want the one that explodes.”

Picture of the Week

You know that you’re tough when you can just calmly look at your broken arm.

YouTube Video of the Week

Stand-up Comedy Clip of the Week

Asshole of the Week

I love Dana White, but he’s an asshole this week. He fired Miguel Torres for tweeting a rape joke, but didn’t fire Rashad Evans for telling a child molestation joke at a press conference, nor did he fire Forrest Griffin for tweeting a rape joke. Double standard much?

Also, congrats on being the first dual winner (person of the week in my first weekly awards).

Person of the Week

Louis CK’s fourth hour long special was released this past Saturday. Rather than signing with a big production company, and selling it for $20+ on DVD and Bluray, he instead paid for all of the production out of his own pocket, with the ticket money from the actual event itself, and then sold it on his website to be streamed or downloaded, all for $5. How awesome is that? I bought it, and it’s well worth the money, surprise surprise. I’d expect no less from him.

If you pirate this, you are a piece of shit.

Here Louie’s breakdown of his expenses and profit:

“People of Earth (minus the ones who don’t give a shit about this): it’s been amazing to conduct this experiment with you. The experiment was: if I put out a brand new standup special at a drastically low price ($5) and make it as easy as possible to buy, download and enjoy, free of any restrictions, will everyone just go and steal it? Will they pay for it? And how much money can be made by an individual in this manner?

It’s been 4 days. A lot of people are asking me how it’s going. I’ve been hesitant to share the actual figures, because there’s power in exclusive ownership of information. What I didn’t expect when I started this was that people would not only take part in this experiment, they would be invested in it and it would be important to them. It’s been amazing to see people in large numbers advocating this idea. So I think it’s only fair that you get to know the results. Also, it’s just really cool and fun and I’m dying to tell everybody. I told my Mom, I told three friends, and that wasn’t nearly enough. So here it is.

First of all, this was a premium video production, shot with six cameras over two performances at the Beacon Theater, which is a high-priced elite Manhattan venue. I directed this video myself and the production of the video cost around $170,000. (This was largely paid for by the tickets bought by the audiences at both shows). The material in the video was developed over months on the road and has never been seen on my show (LOUIE) or on any other special. The risks were thus: every new generation of material I create is my income, it’s like a farmer’s annual crop. The time and effort on my part was far more than if I’d done it with a big company. If I’d done it with a big company, I would have a guarantee of a sizable fee, as opposed to this way, where I’m actually investing my own money.

The development of the website, which needed to be a very robust, reliable and carefully constructed website, was around $32,000. We worked for a number of weeks poring over the site to make sure every detail would give buyers a simple, optimal and humane experience for buying the video. I edited the video around the clock for the weeks between the show and the launch.

The show went on sale at noon on Saturday, December 10th. 12 hours later, we had over 50,000 purchases and had earned $250,000, breaking even on the cost of production and website. As of Today, we’ve sold over 110,000 copies for a total of over $500,000. Minus some money for PayPal charges etc, I have a profit around $200,000 (after taxes $75.58). This is less than I would have been paid by a large company to simply perform the show and let them sell it to you, but they would have charged you about $20 for the video. They would have given you an encrypted and regionally restricted video of limited value, and they would have owned your private information for their own use. They would have withheld international availability indefinitely. This way, you only paid $5, you can use the video any way you want, and you can watch it in Dublin, whatever the city is in Belgium, or Dubai. I got paid nice, and I still own the video (as do you). You never have to join anything, and you never have to hear from us again.

I really hope people keep buying it a lot, so I can have shitloads of money, but at this point I think we can safely say that the experiment really worked. If anybody stole it, it wasn’t many of you. Pretty much everybody bought it. And so now we all get to know that about people and stuff. I’m really glad I put this out here this way and I’ll certainly do it again. If the trend continues with sales on this video, my goal is that i can reach the point where when I sell anything, be it videos, CDs or tickets to my tours, I’ll do it here and I’ll continue to follow the model of keeping my price as far down as possible, not overmarketing to you, keeping as few people between you and me as possible in the transaction.
(Of course i reserve the right to go back on all of this and sign a massive deal with a company that pays me fat coin and charges you straight up the ass.). (This is you: yes Louie. And we’ll all enjoy torrenting that content. You fat sweaty dolt).

I probably sound kind of crazy right now. It’s been a really fun and intense few days. This video was paid for by people who bought tickets, and then bought by people who wanted to see that same show. I got to do exactly the show I wanted, and exactly the show you wanted.

I also got an education. And everything i learned are things i was happy to learn.
I learned that people are interested in what happens and shit (i didn’t go to college)

I learned that money can be a lot of things. It can be something that is hoarded, fought over, protected, stolen and withheld. Or it can be like an energy, fueled by the desire, will, creative interest, need to laugh, of large groups of people. And it can be shuffled and pushed around and pooled together to fuel a common interest, jokes about garbage, penises and parenthood.

I want to thank Blair Breard who produced this video and produces my series LOUIE, and I want to thank Caspar and Giles at Version Industries, who created the website.

I hope with all of my heart that I stay funny. Otherwise this all goes to hell. Please have a safe and happy holiday, and thank you again for all this crazy shit.”

That’s it folks. I’ve been taking it easy for the past week or two, but don’t worry, I’ll still be writing. I just wore myself out a bit, and I’m recharging my brain’s battery. Until next time!

RageLaugh Weekly Awards 11/27/11 – 12/3/11

It’s been a long week for King of the RageLaughers. As long as it was, it’s been equally great. Moving is a royal pain in the ass, but when you’re moving somewhere that you actually want to live for a long time, it’s a rewarding process. Now that we’re just unpacking, and setting the place up, it’s actually become a fun procedure.

Due to the fact that I’ve been moving, and my computer is still in a box, and my desk is in pieces, I’ve been neglecting this blog, and for that I’m sorry. I actually threw the notion of a writing schedule out the window, and for now on, I’m writing entries when I have something to say. If I want to write on a Monday, I will. If I want to take a few days off, I will as well. I just don’t want to force myself to write something, and put something that even I think is shitty up here. Either way, RageLaugh will live on, that much is for sure.

Ok, here are the winners.

Tweet of the Week

@nealbrennan said: “If you’re asking Siri where to get an abortion, I’m glad you’re getting an abortion.”

Picture of the Week

YouTube Video of the Week

Stand-up Comedy Clip of the Week

Asshole of the Week

I wish there was an asshole checklist, just so I could put a mark next to all of Herman Cain’s qualifications. Republican? Check! Moron? Check! Liar? Check! Pig? Check! Wait a minute, I could have stopped at “Republican,” since most of them are morons, liars, and pigs already. Alright, enough of me showing my political bias, while losing readers with every word I write.

I already disliked Cain when he said that God told him to run for President. I liked him less when he dropped this gem, showing us all how much of an idiot he is:

The only person dumber than Cain in that video is the one idiot who was clapping after Cain contradicted himself, making no sense in his pro life argument.

Anyway, Herman Cain has had some women come forward, accusing him of sexual harassment, and one woman has even claimed to have had an affair with him. To make matters worse, Cain denied knowing of these women or their accusations, only to cave in, and acknowledge that he does in fact know who they are. Last week, he put his presidential campaign on “suspension,” which really just means that he’s pulling out, because his image is too tarnished. It’s a shame too, because I was enjoying the hilarity that his interviews brought to the table. Oh well, there’s always Perry and Gingrich. That’s one less sack of shit that I have to worry about having in office.

Person of the Week

I mentioned a few weeks ago that Patrice O’Neal suffered a severe stroke, and was in the hospital. This past Tuesday, Patrice passed away, at the young age of 41.

I’m not going to act like I knew him personally, but I did enjoy his work. He was a hilarious guy, and every comedian who talked about him only said nice things. I truly feel for his wife and mother who he left behind. The world lost one of the good ones this past week, that much is for sure. You can buy his posthumous album Mr. P on iTunes, and all of the proceeds go to his family, so if you can, please buy it. Anyone who loves comedy would love his work anyway.

That’s it for this week, and sorry for putting this up late. I was actually relearning algebra yesterday, because I have to take a stupid placement test, so that I don’t have to take a boom-boom math class that doesn’t give college credits. Anyway, better late than never, right? Thanks for reading.

RageLaugh Weekly Awards 11/20/11 – 11/26/11

Hello people, how are you? I always suck at the beginning of these things, sorry. If anyone has a good opening for me, I’m all ears. In the meantime, it’s going to be awkward.

This week has been building up to the huge upcoming week in your humble narrator’s life. We’re moving into a new house this week, and there may be a few more big changes in the near future as well. Things are looking up, life is good, no complaints here.

Alright freaks, here are the winners:

Tweet of the Week

@MiguelTorresMMA said: “I think girls from the hood would make awesome wizards cause they are always waving their hands around when they talk.”

Picture of the Week

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. Yes, this is crude and vulgar, but guess what? The proceeds go to cancer research. Doug Stanhope sells these “cunt cancer awareness” shirts on his website, and gives the proceeds to cancer research, so it is a good cause. His slogan is “Take the pink out of the stink.” I think I’ll buy one, and when someone calls me an asshole, I’ll say “How much did you donate for cancer?”

YouTube Video of the Week

This should technically be in next week’s awards, but I feel like I should strike while the iron is hot. As most of you know, Plaxico Burress served time in prison, because his gun that he was carrying illegally went off in a nightclub, and he shot himself in the leg. Here’s Stevie Johnson’s touchdown celebration, after scoring against Burress’ Jets.

Stand-up Comedy Clip of the Week

I don’t care how true or untrue this is, Jim Jefferies is one funny dude.

Asshole of the Week

I was really big on Ndamukong Suh for a while. He’s such a great talent, and I was convinced that all of his unnecessary roughness penalties were just because he plays really hard. I even picked him to be Defensive Player of the Year this year, in our little predictions pool that we do here at work. I think I’m fed up with him though.

Here’s what he did on Thanksgiving, that put me over the edge:

Suh is not too passionate, or too aggressive. He’s just a baby, and a fucking asshole. One of these days, he’ll probably go too far, and seriously injure someone. Can you believe that this prick actually said that he wasn’t trying to stomp on someone, and was just trying to get his foot free? I think “Ndamukong” actually translates to “Dickhead.”

Person of the Week

Some people think that Jay Glazer is a bit douchey, because he’s always hanging out with MMA fighters, and NFL superstars. I never felt that way about him, and I actually like him. He’s good at his job of giving breaking news in football, and I always see him in the crowd at UFC events. Why would I hate someone who has the same interests as me? Given the opportunity, I’d be at every UFC event too.

Jay spent this Thanksgiving with troops in Korea, away from his wife and kids. He took MMA fighter Benson Henderson, along with Henderson’s mother, for the trip as well. Henderson’s mother is actually from South Korea, and hadn’t been there since she moved to the US.

I believe that some people do things like this for attention, but I don’t get that vibe from Glazer at all. Some people do nice things because they’re actually nice people. Baffling, I know. Anyway, I respect people who do things like serve food to the homeless on holidays, visit troops, adopt animals at shelters, etc. Some people want attention, and some people want to help. If you want to help, then you’re alright in my book.

That’s it for me this week. We’re going to the doctor tomorrow for another checkup. Does that mean another entry in The Baby Chronicles? Well, I do have an amusing story to tell about my pregnant wife already, so I might have a nice, long story to tell soon. Stay tuned!

RageLaugh.com Weekly Awards 11/13/11 – 11/19/11

Hello readers. I’m sure that some of you noticed that I took a few days off from writing this week. Sorry, I was just tired, and needed a short break. My new series, The Baby Chronicles has been going pretty good, so my editor (me) has given it the thumbs up to continue.

This has been a quiet week in the world for the most part, so I’ve been digging for award candidates. I think I found some decent winners though, so let’s go ahead and crown their asses. Here they are:

Tweet of the Week

@anthonyjeselnik said: “I knew Demi Moore would leave Ashton Kutcher soon. I just thought it would be when she died.”

Picture of the Week

YouTube Video of the Week

This is a japanese classic. Hard Gay is a funny dude, and I think everyone should watch at least one of his skits.

Stand-up Comedy Clip of the Week

Robert Schimmel 1950 – 2010 RIP, you funny son of a bitch.

Asshole of the Week

I’ve never liked Ashton Kutcher. I never liked his shows, his commercials, his movies, his wife, anything. The only thing I like about him is the guy who was banging his soon to be ex wife before him. Bruce Willis is awesome, Ashton Kutcher is a tool.

Before being informed of the details of the Joe Paterno firing, Ashton tweeted the following:

“How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.”

If you have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, then keep your mouth shut. Ashton basically just supported an accessory to child rape. I know that he wasn’t aware of what was going on, which was more reason to keep his mouth shut. Demi Moore filed for divorce shortly afterwards, but for unrelated reasons. He should probably be the “Dumbass of the Week,” but I don’t have that category, so Asshole will have to do. He even turned his Twitter account over to his publicist. What kind of moron can’t even tweet properly?!

Person of the Week

Wait! Don’t close this window or unsubscribe yet! Hear me out! I still think Justin Beiber is an absolutely horrible musician, and is extremely annoying. I just appreciate his actions regarding his alleged paternity case.

Beiber was accused of being the father of some chick’s baby apparently. After this girl dropped the charges, Beiber decided that he would proceed with taking a DNA paternity test, and if (when, actually) he’s cleared, he will counter-sue the woman who is making false allegations. Hopefully he wins a large sum of money from the woman, and donates the money to a charity. Either way, kudos to him for wanting to prove his innocence, and setting an example to all of the people out there who are looking to earn a cheap buck, and easy living.

That’s it for me this week. Stay tuned, as always, for more of my twisted thoughts and opinions. Hopefully I’ll have some more stories to add to The Baby Chronicles, because I know a bunch of you are getting a kick out of it. I keep getting texts and Facebook messages complimenting them, and I absolutely love it. Maybe I’m an attention whore… Oh well! Alright guys, I’m out!

RageLaugh.com Weekly Awards 11/6/11 – 11/12/11

Hey gang, what’s going on? Yeah, same here, not a damn thing. I’m just glad that this week is over with, because I could use a day off from the grind. Listen to me, “the grind,” what a baby I am. Don’t feel sorry for me, because I don’t work hard. Anything that isn’t me laying on the couch, with my hand down my boxers is a grind to me. Let’s hand out some motherfucking awards!

Here are the victims:

Tweet of the Week

@JimNorton said: “If someone tells a racist joke, people focus on the word racist instead of the word joke.
#2011America”

Jim Norton is the first multiple winner of the Tweet Award, but he won’t be the last.

Picture of the Week

If I have a daughter, and find Avery or Miles under her bed, I will lose my shit. You’ve been warned, dads.

Stand-up Comedy Clip of the Week

YouTube Video of the Week

Some of you have probably seen this video before, because it’s not new. It is hilarious though, and I watched it again recently, and I think anyone who hasn’t seen it should. Also, the guy Louis is talking to is Bobby Cannavale. He’s a broadway actor, and I just saw him a couple of weeks ago in the movie Win Win, and him and Paul Giamatti were great in it. That movie gets my seal of approval.

Asshole of the Week

So let me get this straight; one of your coaches is fucking little boys. One day, he’s molesting little kids in the shower at your school, and one of your other coaches walks in while it’s going on, and reports it to the head coach. The head coach proceeds to report it to the athletic director, who does not report child rape to the police, and neither the head coach nor the coach who witnessed the event decide to take it upon themselves to report it. When the rest of the world finds out about this, everyone who had knowledge of this event is fired, and the students riot?!

I swear I wrote something recently about people looking at someone’s talents and accomplishments, and mistaking them for them being a good person, and not a person who is good at something. I don’t give a flying fuck about how great of a coach Joe Paterno was, or how long he’s been at Penn State. He had knowledge of at least one child rape, and stayed quiet about it to save his own skin. The sad thing is, these were college kids who rioted. College kids! They go to school! They’re the “smart ones.” If that’s how our best and brightest react to something like this, then we are all royally fucked.

Person of the Week

I love Coach K, I really do. One thing that I’ve always wanted to know is how the hell “Krzyzewski” is pronounced “shesheski” though. Either way, he’s the best damn coach that I’ve ever seen in any sport, ever.

Coach K tied Bobby Knight for most all-time wins in NCAA division 1 basketball history. He’s going to break that record, and will probably end up setting a mark that nobody will touch for a long time. You know what? Good! A lot of people hate Duke basketball, but I’m not one of them. That school does it right, and Coach K is the reason why. Kudos to him.

Ok, that is all for me this week. If you haven’t checked out my posts this week, you should. I think the mix of funny to angry was pretty even. I love writing funny stuff, but I only do it if I think it’s truly funny. I don’t like bombing. Anyway, thanks for reading, and stay tuned for more.

RageLaugh.com Weekly Awards 10/30/11 – 11/5/11

Hey ragelaughers! This has been one of the greatest weeks of your humble narrator’s life! I found out that I’m going to be a dad, and I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited about anything ever. I’m hoping that this will be a lifelong buzz, and I’m sure it will be. I know there will be tough times, and sometimes I’ll think that I can’t handle it. But, I’m also confident that the good will outweigh the bad, so I’m ready to take on anything. I’ve been critical of other people’s parenting, so now it’s my turn. I’m smart, Liz is smart, we both have good morals, and we both have a great supporting cast around us. Bring it on baby!

In other news, well, there really isn’t any other news that I know of. Things were quiet this week, aside from a good man dying (Andy Rooney), and a sham of a marriage ending. I’ll address those in a minute.

Here are the losers:

Tweet of the Week

@menshumor said: “I don’t care if Bieber knocked up some chick, he is still gayer than 4 dudes blowing 5 dudes.”

Picture of the Week

Stand-up Comedy Clip of the Week

Bill Cosby is one of the greatest comedians of all-time. If I made my own personal Mount Rushmore of comedians, he’d be on there, without a doubt. Whenever I think about my wife going into labor, this clip pops into my head instantly. Liz already said there’s no way in hell that she’d do a natural child birth though, and I can’t blame her.

YouTube Video of the Week

How the fuck is this guy even a candidate?! Look, I know I give republicans a hard time, and you know what? Fuck them, I should! Their views are biased and skewed, and half of them don’t even make sense. Death penalty and guns are good, but abortion and mercy killing are bad, no matter the circumstances? You don’t have to be a democrat to know that those views make no sense. The fact of the matter is that 95% of all voters are god damn morons though. That’s why idiots like Perry are candidates. Funny clip though.

Asshole of the Week

I know that I put up a picture of Kim Kardashian, but this week’s asshole is her, her ex husband, every member of the Kardashian clan, and every single person who watches anything related to the Kardashians, wedding included. Anyone who didn’t think the wedding was a sham to begin with is either lacking mental capacity, or is very gullible.

Most people know that the Kardashians are horrible beings. But the problem is the people who watch their shows and buy their products. I recently unfollowed someone one Twitter, who isn’t even a friend of mine, so much as a friend of a friend. She called Khloe Kardashian “wise,” and that was the last straw for me. People who enjoy this type of thing are horrible people. If you like ugly attention whores, who constantly blab nonsense, and always seek the spotlight, it’s probably because that’s how you want to be. I don’t respect anyone who is into this type of thing. I don’t like you, and I think you’re an idiot. While I may not know you, please know that this is how I truly feel. Kim saw dollar signs as a reason to get married, and idiots like these people are the reason why this is possible.

Person of the Week

You don’t have to like Andy Rooney to know that he was a very smart man, who didn’t really care about what other people thought. Everything that I write on this site resembles an Andy Rooney rant. He questioned everything, and often gave unpopular opinions, but you know what? Most of the time he was right. I wasn’t even a huge fan of his, but I definitely respected him. Anyone who was that sharp, and managed to stay that way all the way until his death, at the age of 92, deserves everyone’s respect.

I’m not shocked that he died after he retired, because his job was his purpose, and he loved doing it. If my life revolved around what I did for a living, I’d probably die after retiring. I liken it to those old married couples who are deeply in love, and die only days apart. If you love something that much, your life is empty without it. The fact that he was so great at his little peeved rants was our benefit. Even if he wasn’t so great at it, he probably would have done it anyway. Rest in peace, you crotchety old bastard. You’ll be missed. People like Andy Rooney are a dying breed.

That’s it for me this week. I have a nice lineup of angry rants ready to be written and posted, so you’ll want to stay tuned, if you’re into what I’m doing here. I have one idea that I’ve been wanting to do for a while, that I think would be really funny, so hopefully I’m able to get it written soon. I think you guys would really enjoy it. Thanks for reading, and take care.

RageLaugh.com Weekly Awards 10/23/11 – 10/29/11

Hello my loyal readers! It’s been a good week, and it’s only going to get better for me, or at least I hope. I’m actually writing this on Saturday night from work, because I’m about to go home to watch UFC 137 with my friends and wife. There’s really no better feeling than coming home, and having a couple of pals over for a great night of your favorite sport. You have to enjoy the good parts of life, or you’ll go crazy, so I try my best to have fun.

Anyway, you guys have been awesome. I actually got a new reader all the way from the Phillipines! She sent me a nice comment on Twitter, then subscribed to RageLaugh. There’s no greater compliment than that. Check out her blog at jessfuentes.wordpress.com because she’s a great writer, and hopes to do it for a living one day.

Here’s my pseudo-winners:

Tweet of the Week

@BillMaher wrote: “Whew, coroner finally got to bottom of #Amy Winehouse death this week – alcohol poisoning?! I thought she froze to death climbing Mt Everest”

Picture of the Week

YouTube Video of the Week

I absolutely love Mr Bean. Growing up, we didn’t get premium cable, so I only got to see it when I went to a friend’s house. It was some of the best physical comedy I’d seen. Rowan Atkinson is brilliant. I’ll always remember this skit.

Stand-up Comedy Clip of the Week (New Category!)

Bill Burr paid me the compliment of reading my email on his weekly podcast, so the least I can do is give him the first comedy clip of the week. Plus, this bit is absolutely hilarious. I laugh every time I see it. I’m pretty sure I’ve posted it on Twitter, but oh well. Anyway, I’m always looking for an excuse to post a comedy clip, and I have hundreds of them, so why not give it a category?

Asshole of the Week

None. It’s been a great week. I don’t feel like nit-picking at someone, and calling them an asshole. Sometimes you should let a good week be what it is, and not draw negativity. Yes, that’s coming from the guy who will call anyone an asshole at the drop of a hat. Even I know when I should be positive.

Person of the Week

Whenever I hear comedians asked who their favorite comics are, Patrice O’Neal’s name always comes up. I’ve heard people like Jim Norton and Bill Burr sing his praises, and say that not only is he one of the funniest guys on the stage, but he’s hilarious to have a conversation with too.

Sadly, he suffered a stroke last Wednesday, and it’s unclear if he’ll recover. I know what a stroke can do to someone. My grandfather, whom I was very close to, had a major stroke, and was never the same afterwards. I would never wish that fate upon anyone, especially not someone who is loved like Patrice is. His family set up an email account loveforpatrice@gmail.com, so fans can send in their well wishes. Let’s hope he recovers.

Here’s just one of many examples of how hilarious he is. I guess there’s 2 comedy clips this week.

That’s all for me this week. Since I got a head start on writing today, there’s a chance that I get something written for tomorrow as well. No promises, but it’s possible. Stay tuned, and as always, thanks for reading!